WHAT THE ... ?? I thought things were getting better. Today was unreal. I wish it had been a dream. I haven't been able to cry because I've been so busy taking care of things - and other people - around here. I've been just zoning out instead, playing games on the computer or watching tv late at night. It's like I just detach or something. What, am I just being pushed until I crack? I know I'm silly to compare my problems to Job's, but seriously I want to say to God, what are you making bets with the devil again, only over me this time? Sometimes all I want to do is just drive my car off a cliff, or maybe lock myself in my room and have a nervous breakdown and refuse to deal with any of this. But I don't, I keep on going, because I have a husband and daughter who need me. But it feels like this mean joke God is playing on me, making we want to just give up on life altogether, yet putting my family there to prevent me from doing it.
I know: bad, bad theology. I'll discuss my wacked-out theology another time. I need some time to think about it more.
Although I'm an atheist, even I have had times I had wanted to just scream, "WHY ME?!?!?"
Technorati Tag: stress